So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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