Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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