i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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