I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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