god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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