Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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