You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
