I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
