Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
