I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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