it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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