You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
