ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Panties = found
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
