I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Someone came in the potted fern
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
