we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
