He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
