I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
