I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize