So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
