the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
