it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
