Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
