Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
