and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
