Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
