Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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