I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
