I wanna bring you to show and tell
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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