I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
