I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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