i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
