we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
