if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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