Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
