my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
