I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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