I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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