so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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