mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize