Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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