Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
