The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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