I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You made out with two different species that night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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