1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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