i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
