Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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