I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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