I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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