i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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