My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
