I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
