You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize