if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
