Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
