Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize