I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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