You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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