I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
