sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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