So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
